Drake & Giuseppe - The Vienna Incident

        The Vienna Incident

        By: Bryan Maus

      

The crew boisterously celebrated their current success, flush in coin, booze, and pleasures of the flesh that only a seedy tavern can provide. This particular tavern the Salty Siren by name,  and dilapidated paint-chipped sign aptly described the staff attending to Captain Drakes Crew. For truth, most of the “regulars”  had already discreetly exited the tavern some time ago to avoid the rowdy crew.the men and women slinging drinks did so while fending off the lecherous advances of the newly arrived sailors.

Captain Drake leaned back in his chair nursing a dented pewter mug of… something alcoholic, if you didn’t look closely at it. Drake knew it was only temporary, with a fine bottle of whiskey awaiting him in his cabin back aboard the Aidana. He never drank anything so strong while ashore. Not since he was Shanghaied in . . . was it in Shanghai?

Admittedly his memories were a little fuzzy due to the combination of strong drink and a strong clap to the back of his head from the press gang that “enlisted” him aboard the pretentious, or ostentatious. Drake Sighed. He thought english vessels always sounded a bit pompous for his tastes.

Luckily Guiseppe and the crew followed the ship, boarded and raided her. Releasing the captain from his internment. It wasn’t until backboard the Aidana that drake found out his liberation was completely happenstance. As his first mate had no idea Drake was aboard the English ship thinking instead that Capitano Draco was passed out from a bender back in port. That was the fickleness of fate with life at sea. The Oceans giveth and they taketh. Luckily for Drake he Seemed to lean on the giveth side.

Thinking of his first officer, Capitan Drake gazed across the tavern to a far table where his second was currently wooing a comely young serving wench sitting upon the Italians lap. Judging by the blush of the cheek and lack of serving, it appeared the wooing was coming along smashingly. His flirtations were noticed by others as well.

“Hey Jew-Seppi,” Jeb, or as he was known as Drunken Jeb, yelled over the din of an out of tune accordion and drunken frivolity. “Why do you have to hog the cute one? I’ve got coin enough to share.”

Guiseppi sighed, taking the serving ladys hand. “Bella, I must ‘umbly apologize for seniór Jeb’s words ‘ee is under da… cómo se dice? Ah! Under the assumption dat you are una’signora di notte. A ah, lady of da night.” Guiseppe leaned in conspiritorally to whisper in her ear, “Franky, ee’s an idiota.”

“Hey cap’n” Jeb yelled while guesturing with a sloshing mug of grog in Guiseppes general direction. “Where didjya find this eye-tai anyway?”

Captain Drake smiled slyly and quoted his friend, “Sea Turtles, mate.”

“Oh come on Captain.” Petra, or as Guiseppe constantly refers to her as, Ugly Pete chided. “Do tell us!”

“UH Capitano,” Guiseppe whined, “Can you please tell Ugly Pete to stoppa with the talking?”

“It’s Petra!” Petra Corrected.

“Yes, Yes, you say Potato, I say Tomato. Let’sa call dis whole ting off. Ok?” Guiseppe grumped before turning back to the serving wench sitting on his lap. “Dat pete is de worst pirata ever! ‘ee’s all.. feminine. . . and lumpy.” Petra rolled her eyes and rejoined the rest of the crew.

“Now Guiseppe,” Captain Drake interjected, “while I could tell the tale, and a fantastic tale it would be. I fear I would not do it the justice it deserves in your telling.”

“But Capitano…”

“No Guiseppe,” Captain Drake said, cutting off Giuseppes objection. “Your fellow crewmates have spoken, and as your captain, it is imperative we necessitate the implementation of morale enhancing narratives to engage the crew in exhilarating parlance and exacerbating. . .  vocalizations.”

Guiseppe stared blankly at Captain Drake completely confused. Uncomprehending, blinking, slowly…. Awkwardly….

“Just tell the damn story!” Drake ordered, taking a draught from his mug. The Crew jostled and cheered Guiseppe on.

“Very Well,” Guiseppe began. “So when I was a young boy on-a da cusp of manhood, I was-a singing with the Vienna Boys Choir in-a da london…”

“Guiseppe,” Captain Drake Interjected, “Vienna isn’t in England.”

“Mi Scuzi Capitano, but who is-a telling dis-a story?”

“My apologies Master Vampa. Do go on,” Captain Drake gestured to continue”

“So-a anyaway, there I was singing with da Vienna Boys Choir in Marseille, finishing up-a vespers when I saw, an angel” Guiseppe smiled thinking back. “Her name was Isabeau Roquefort., and let me tell-a you singori, she was a visage. Smooth porcelain skin. Silk, long black hair with curly ringlets that effervescently bounced with her every step.”

“You mean effortlessly,” Drake corrected.

“Si, Si, dat too,” Giuseoppe agreed, lost in his memories.”her eyes sparkled like a starlit sky, and-a when she smiled at-a you. . .  it’s like-a da whole world is shrunken down to-a nothing and da two of you are de only people in da world. Like Adam and-a Eve reborn.” Guiseppe sighed, “Dis was-a da woman Davinci painted. Dat Mozart composed songs for, dat moved men to war, and-a even stirred a heart of-a eunich.”

“Ya mean me Nick?” asked Nicholas, one of the other crewmembers.

“Yes, even-a you,” Guiseppe replied.

“Yeah, but what were her breasts like?” Drunken jeb squealed, groping the air in front of him in a lews fashion. The crew ground with several throwing scraps of food, copper bits, and even a few dented pewter mugs to shut Jeb up. Captain Drake was relieved to note that none of the crew were inebriated enough to throw pointier, more lethal objects in Jebs direction.

Guiseppe mirrored the crew’s frustrations. “Tsk tsk, Jeb, mio amico, you can not-a just-a grunt your baser desires like-a dat. Dis was-a not just a woman or a lady. Isabeau was a work of art, a goddess to be praised with-a poetry. Not slathered with-a vulgarity. For Shame!”

Guiseppe paused allowing the crew to calm down while drunken Jeb sat dejectedly. Once he had regained the crew’s attention Guiseppe leaned in conspiritorally, “But on-a scale of one to ten, her-a bosom was-a pretty good!” The crew laughed.

“So what happened with this ‘goddess’?” Petra asked.

“Well as all men do when faced with-a beauty. I fell in-a love with de young-a lady and proceeded to woo her, as I do.” The crew nodded understanding. “But alas, our love was not meant to last. She was da niece and-a ward of a high up muckety muck in da church. A wealthy bishop or some such by da name of Uncle Fromage I tink.” Guiseppe paused for a moment trying to mentally verify, then continued. “Anywho, ‘ee sent ‘er to a nunnery to protect er’ virtue from da ravages of da world, and I left to join da Capitano’s crew. Da rest is-a ‘istory.”

“Wait. Thats it” Petra asked disgruntled.

“Pretty much, “ Guiseppe said turning his attention to the serving maid sitting on his lap.

“Well, not exactly,” Drake stated, finishing his mug and stepping forward.” You see, you left out a few particulars which if left out cast your story a sea.”

“Oh, really? Like-a what?” Guiseppe asked.

“Well for one you didn’t mention the nuns.”

“Right, da nuns…” 

“You see,” The captain continued, “I was introduced to this tale when I was approached by two Nuns from the Saint Swiggums Brewery and Convent. A delightful duo named “Amazing” Grace Guiness and Rose Killian. Brewers by trade and sisters by calling. They came to me with concerns that a young Italian fellow, our very own Guiseppe was in danger. Our Dear Guiseppe had been sneaking into the convent to visit his lady love. These lovely nuns thought highly of our Italian and overhearing the visiting Bishops guards discussing the capture and.. Ehrm, gelding the young lad for his indiscretions.”

“The plan was going to take place that very evening and so the nuns had asked for my aid in rescuing the young lad and spiriting him away on the Aidana and safely away from the Bishops reaches. To do so I would need the nuns help sneaking into the nunnery and retrieving the young lad before Vespers ended.” Captain Drake leaned back against one of the tables the crew had occupied. “Finding the young lad was easy enough. Convincing him to leave his love, that took some effort…”

------

“I can not-a leave my lady love capitano. I would rather-a die than-a live un minuto wit’ out ‘er” Guiseppe argued sternly while hymnal music echoed through the halls.

“Please Giuseppe, go with the good captain,” Sister Rose pleaded.

“Your life is in danger if you stay,” Sister Grace added.

“NO! I will not-a leave ‘er and der is-a nothing you can say will-a change my mind.” Giuseppe vowed.

“They are going to cut off your manhood,” Drake said bluntly.

“Well, izzy and I had-a good run, “Giuseppe said without skipping a beat. “So I ‘ear you have-a da ship. Dat is-a fascinating. So ‘ow does one go about joining da crew?”

“We can discuss the particulars of your employment later,” Sister Rose said urging the men forward.

“Yes for now we need to get you out before the the bells ring the end of Vespers.” Sister Grace agreed ushering them along.

“The Quartet swiftly managed the corridors to the courtyard spurred on by the music of Motzart echoing in the convent. As they entered the courtyard they could taste freedom upon their lips, until.

“HALT!” shouted one of the Bishops guardsmen, who was standing watch over the Bishop’s elaborate carriage. Then three more guardsmen emerged from other nooks and crannys. 

“And here we are back in the courtyard. We, the nuns of Saint Swiggums Brewery want to thank you for joining this evenings tour,” Sister Grace stated.

“And don’t forget to stop by our guest shop to get your commemorative mogs and hogshead of your favorite stout,” Sister Rose added gesturing the men forward.

“Oh wonderful!” Giuseppe said genuinely enthused.

“I SAID HALT!, or i will run you through!” the guard ordered drawing his blade for added emphasis. The other guards did the same. Striding boldly into the courtyard, adorned in fine church regalia entered Bishop Lindberger…

----

“Uh captain,” Nicholas raised his hand, interrupting. “Why does the bishops name keep changing?

“Yeah, first it was Fromage, then Lindberger. Even the girls last name was a smelly kind of cheeze. Why is that?” Petra added.

“Truth be told, we never can remember his name.” Drake admitted. “But, whenever he is discussed, strongly smelling cheeze always come to mind.”

Drake continued the story, “Then The bishop leaned in sneering face to face with the frightened Giuseppe, “I FINALLY CAUGHT YOU…” Drake paused, recognition dawning on his and Giueppes faces.

“His Breath!” They both simultaneously said.

----

“Sisters, I am disappointed that you allowed yourselves to be fooled by this young mans chicanery.” The bishop stated sternly.

“I do not know who you are sire,” the Bishop said moving onto Captain Drake. “But, know you will be fit with irons and incarcerated before the night is through.” Drake steeled himself before the Bishops gaze. The Bishop continued to Giuseppe. “Your fate though will be a kindness compared to the boys,” the Bishop stared in malevolent gless. “I cannot wait to deliver unto you the must exquisite pain for sullying my niece with your seductions.”

“We are in-a love! I Love ‘er!” Giuseppe protested.

“ENOUGH!” The bishop shouted. “Before we begin I want to know. Where have you taken my niece?”

Captain Drake, Giuseppe, Sister Grace, and Sister Rose all looked to eachother in confusion. “Um, the boy not withstanding, we haven’t taken anyone.” Captain Drake said.

“She was not in her chambers, at Vespers or in the brewery, “The Bishop noted jabbing Captain Drake in the chest with each point. “So if she is not there then where, pray God is she?”

At that time divine providence deemed fit to answer the Bishop’s prayers. Just no in the way the Bishop had intended. For his niece walked arm in arm with another lady. Both were as naked as the day they were born. Neither realizing the group as they entered the courtyard.

“Quickly Isabeau before we get caught. I told you we shouldn’t have stayed so long in the sauna,” The young blonde woman pleaded pulling on Isabeau’s arm.

Isabeau resisted drawing the young woman back into her arms.”Don’t worry love, we still have plenty of time. Besides your skin looks even more delicious in the moonlight Constance, and I just cannot help myself.” Isabeau murmured as she nibbled her way down Constances neck.

“What is the meaning of this?!” The Bishop roared in a near apocalyptic fit.

“UNCLE?” Isabeau asked shocked. 

“Isabeau!” Uncle bishop Fromage Roquefort the third yelled.

“Constance?” Sister Rose asked.

“Sister Killian?” Constance asked horrified.

“Capitano,” Giuseppe nodded.

“Giuseppe,” The Captain replied

“What exactly is going on here?” Demanded the Bishop as he wrapped his cloak around is niece.

“Si, I would like-a to know dat too,” Giuseppe agreed angrily, aroused, and more than a bit confused. “Do explain-a yourself Isabella!”

“It’s Isabeau,” she corrected.

“Don’t you try and-a change-a da subject lady.”

“You don’t even know her name?” the Bishop bellowed reaching for Giuseppes throat. 

“Well, obviously what we have here is a case of mistaken identity,” Captain Drake intervened. “I mean, teh boy clearly doesn’t know the girls name, and is understandably a bit flustered by the revealing nature of the young lasses attire, or lacks there of.”

“But Capitano…”

“Severed manhood Giuseppe,” Drake muttered under his breath.

“You know, I do feel a little flemmucked.” Giuseppe stated coughing pitifully.

“You see, there you are,” replied Captain Drake. “And as for the naked women…” he paused at a loss for what to say.

“Well they must have stayed too long in the sauna,” Sister Rose intervened. “All of that steam and heat can really addle the noggin.”

“Oh yes, happens to the best of us, “sister Grace was quick to add. “Thats why we only allow sauna use on Sundays. Otherwise we’d all be running around here naked and not getting anything done.”

“Yes, but…” the Bishop was interrupted by the vesper bells.

“Oh dear, well look at the time, “Sister Rose said scooting Captain Drake and Giuseppe towards the entrance.

“Yes as you well know Bishop Fromage, once the vespers bells ring, all men need to be escorted off the convent grounds, as a matter of propriety, “Sister Grace informed.

“But my ward…” the Bishop protested.

“Don’t you worry, your grace, we’ll see to the young ladies and make sure to set their humors back into even temperament. “Sister Rose proceeded to lead the young ladies into the convent.

“Come come girls, “Sister Rose said. “And if you’ve ruined Sauna Sunday, so help me…”

“Very well,” the Bishop relented, “Commander collect our prisoners and we will be on our way.”

“Um, sir, what prisoners?” The guard asked.

“The Captain and the Italian lad,” the Bishop answered swivelling around to notice the courtyard absent of the two rogues.”Commander, where are my prisoners?”

“My apologies your grace, but in the chaos, of the young ladies…” the guard stammered.

“Find them!” The bishop roared, “and prepare my coach at once.”

“Um, about that sir…” The guard said, with head bowed sheepishly.

Uneventful Dinner in Goka (A Pathfinder Story)

 Talin was exhausted. He had been running for his life through an extradimensional realm that was collapsing around him and his friends. Trying to find a way out as all manner of beasts and minions tried to either stop them, kill them, or escape first. All of that and nearly killed them all and once again left them stuck near the Tian Xia city of Goka; again. His friends chose to get themselves a room at the fancy Inn nearby.  However, Talin recalled their last big dining excursion and decided he would take his meals at the Pathfinder lodge. It was much safer there. They also were huge celebrities after winning the Ruby Phoenix Tournament. While he liked all the attention, he just needed a calm meal with nothing crazy for a change. The lodge was a great place for that and besides, he had to report and turn in their findings anyhow. Well, most of their findings, discovering the knowledge of something. His mind tried to focus on a detail or two, something about Dragons, something secret he wasn’t supposed to share. For some reason he couldn’t recall what. While it disturbed him he knew he had it written down somewhere in his findings to turn in. So there was no need to ponder it further.

What he did recall, was the splendor of the Pathfinder Lodge stationed in Goka. Even the Magnimar lodge wasn’t as awe inspiring as the one in Goka. The detailed edging, the jade inlay designs, the sculptured dragons: it reminded him about how excited he was to see the lodge finished in Bistons pond. Of course, while he had a hand in that, he was even more excited about his Lantern Bearer lodge he got the approval to fund and start. That was a project that was his and his alone. The fact that the heads of the Lantern Bearer’s all agreed to let him build a base there amazed him.  For years the Lantern Bearers were an elven only organization. His thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a buzzing in his head, “Hrmm, the taste of old demon is in the air.” Sifted through his mind to the front.

Talin paused as the thoughts of his sword brought his attention to the forefront of his thoughts. His sword while much akin to his mindset was an intelligent item that had its own independent thoughts and beliefs. Very few people had magical intelligent sword that could communicate mentally to them. This one like Talin had a unique personality. “Are your taste buds telling you this?” Talin sent as a joking mental communication back. His sword ignored the quip. They were in a middle passage; that lead to the dining hall of the Goka pathfinder lodge. There were no summoning rooms nearby that Talin knew of. “No, but, seriously are you sure?”

“Well, I don’t have taste buds but there is something nearby. Maybe not Demon or Devil, maybe someone tussled with one.” Calanon replied. Talons eyes searched the room delicately for any hints of an outsider, yet he caught none. His senses were possibly some of the keenest there could be. He had heard people comment about certain pathfinders that could supposedly hear a pin drop in a thunderstorm two hundred feet away inside another building. He wasn’t sure how accurate those stories were, be he could count how many flies were in a room. If you wanted, he could tell you the subtle differences in the height of each brick that lay in the floor of the hallway. Perhaps even tell you which of the paintings that hung in the hallway had the same paint used in the others. Demons however: unless someone had one of those nasty familiars through here recently or came directly from the worldwound; he doubted were nearby. However, some crusaders who spent a large portion of their time in the worldwound, or even in Lastwall were rumored to have the stain of the filth almost on their soul.

Talin approached the dining hall with the mental pressure of the his swords mind on him. He just escaped death and was hoping to relax. He could hear the sounds of dinner plates, cards, leather, food being served, footsteps, armor and discussions taking place. It was a short time before he was able to match up the sounds and narrow down that there were a total of six people in the room. Two food servers, three people sitting at a table playing cards and eating, and one walking from the serving area and sitting down to eat. Talin assumed the three at the table were pathfinders, one was local with a Tian accent trying out his Taldane. Another, Talin guessed was a half orc, or maybe a tiefling with tusks or big teeth. The third spoke very eloquently knowing Tian with little accent and Taldane with none. Possibly a scholar, maybe a wizard. They were talking about the tournament while playing cards. “Great” Talin thought, easy in if any are good looking, or if I need help fighting a hoard of demons. They might recognize me. I hope they do at least, but then again, I really could use a night to myself for once. Talin turned the corner into the dining hall. Of course he was right on all accounts. Two servers, three party members, one indeed looked very Tian, that was a half orc with one huge tusk and a smaller one on the other side that looked broken, and finally, there indeed was a wizard. One with quite a mediocre looking spellbook. Well, to Talin it was mediocre.  He was friends with possibly the best wizard in Varisia. “Really?” His sword said mentally, in response to Talin’s self-narrated thought.  “They were just goblins.”

“Why do people keep saying that? It was impressive at the time, he was powerful then and we have seen the other things he has learned, and WHY are you reading my mind again?” Talin mentally said.

“Well sometimes you just broadcast your thoughts. By the way, why would you ever think to imagine THAT about his Tusks? You are quite disturbing even in comparison to others that are made of meat, bones, and squishy insides.” Talin shook his head and headed towards the serving area. It was almost immediately that he realized the guy walking to sit down was a renowned archer he had heard of. While his mind instantly catalogued the archers gear he also remembered that this archer was the one who beat him in the exhibition archery contest during the Ruby Pheonix Tournament. He knew he recognized him at the time and couldn’t place him. What was he doing here, last Talin heard, he was in the worldwound, or Ustalav. Surly this was the smell that was noticed. Riley was well known for his service in the worldwound until things went poorly for him. Talin couldn’t recall the story he heard, it had been some time since then. Talin attempted to go unnoticed but in the reflection of the dining hall mirror he quickly noticed Riley had also seen him. Seems Riley noticed him more passively and without a real thought behind it. As Talin watched Riley’s attention pass over the entire room Riley he stabbed his fork into a carrot.

“Now there is another true demon hunter.” Talin mentally appraised.

“Him? He doesn’t even carry a magical bow.” Calanon replied.

Talin harrumphed at his sword and got himself some food. Some succulent duck prepared in a way he had never thought of with steamed vegetables and some strange round white crispy things, that he is sure weren’t a chestnut, even though Maraktis told him multiple times that is what they were called. Sometimes he wondered if Maraktis was bad at trying humor or if he was serious.

When Talin sat a few tables down to face the pretty girls at the serving area, he thought maybe he should turn around and watch the archer more to see if he can appraise the situation more, maybe glean some information from him or why he is here. A friend he slept with last time he was in Goka mentioned Riley had come from one of the monasteries just before the tournament.  A strange sensation washed over him. He glanced up and saw the table of adventurer’s motionless. The sensation was eerie and Talin did his best to sit motionless as well, it was creepy how all had gone silent. There was a seventh person approaching from the food area. This worried Talin, he had noticed no one else enter the room at any point. This woman was a warrior adorned in full plate. There was no way he wouldn’t have heard her come in the room, let alone go past him to get to where the food was. Talin risked a moment to glance up at her face. Calm determination and raw beauty. However this was not the kind of beauty that one see’s in a master courtesan, this wasn’t the kind of beauty told to be had of the love goddess Calistria, or artistic beauty of the goddess Shelyn. This was that of a commanding presence, that of someone so confidant in themselves that it makes you feel inspired to be better at everything. Just by watching her walk, you feel you can accomplish anything if you are determined enough to do it. Talin was ready to fight hordes of monsters just to get a moment of praise from her. She glanced at him. That smooth steel armor, red cloak and short cropped hair. smooth perfect skin yet the look of a hardened warrior.

“She smiled at me, did she wink too? Calistria be praised” Talin thought to himself as she approached him. He held his breath, but she passed right by him. He waited for Calanon’s response, but none came.

“What do you want?” The archer said a few tables over.

“I have come to speak with you soldier.” She responded.

“I am no longer one of your little soldiers who think everything you and yours do is all holy and perfect.” Riley sneered. “ If you have something to say, feel free, I can hear you from two rooms over.” Talin wasn’t sure if this guy was trying to piss the woman off, if he was playing hard to get, or was just truly an asshole. Talin was also trying to place her small holy symbol she had hidden under the back of her cloak.  It seemed like an old god. He felt like she should be carrying a shield of some sort. He wasn't sure why. His mind raced trying to place how or why it was that she seemed familiar to him. Surly he would be able remember having met a woman so iconic looking and so, what was the word? Majestic. 

She stopped walking at the side of the table and looked down at Riley. “You are one of my greatest soldiers. You have never stopped being one of my greatest soldiers.”

“Bullshit, did you come here, with all your high pompousness to rub in my many failings? Perhaps you came just to try to preach to me about how I failed you? Or how even after I left your priests service and your orders service that even after that I just continued to be a failure? Is that it? I bet that’s it. I let down my friends, I know! I the person who can spot a flea on a dogs ass from a hundred yards away and maybe hit it with an arrow, couldn’t see a spellcaster from casting on me from less than thirty feet away.” He took a brief breath. “Perhaps you want to tell me about how I nearly got all my friends killed. How the woman I fell in love with. The one who made me decide to try to build something stable nearby just to hope to be worthy of her love, only to nearly have her die because of me as well.” He raised his eyebrows then continued. “Perhaps to remind me how I let my best friend get murdered by a dragon, maybe how I was murdered by a demon myself and now am still mentally tortured nearly every night as I glimpse the other side of Pharasmas judgements. Did you know that I often see the void and sometimes wish I had gone there and stayed there?” The long silence began. Talin glanced over his shoulder to see her standing there next to Riley as he sat hunched over staring at his plate of food. Talin knew the man was getting a bit angry but also sad. Something about his eyes, even at this distance it was hard to tell the man’s eyes were watery. Maybe if his back were not turned Talin would be able to know if it was both eyes or just one.

“Riley, what you did that day, when you and your team defied the orders issued by the priests and the paladins and those commanding officers who called your crew off that city. I was moved by your decision. You inspired your team even your teams leader to stay. You made the right decision. It is the decision I would have made if I were in your shoes.” Riley glance angrily now up at her. She however still calm and quiet continued.  “Sometimes we are given choices that compromise who we are regardless of the options we are given. Even a paladin of the highest order, if in your shoes, If they were there on site and were ordered to leave that town to its death. They would have been conflicted by the order of his commanders, and the righteousness of saving those people. What you did was something that they…” His plate of food went crashing across the room as he stood with a speed surprising even Talin. Very few had the grace that Talin himself had, and this man moved almost as well as Talin. Talin had to admire a straight up warrior who depended on the talents of those more inclined to speed, dexterity, and wits. It was admirable to see that rather than those who just used brute strength. On a side thought though, Talin felt those kinds also had their merits. Fond memories of a well groomed man in Magnimar just a year or so back came to mind.

Talins mind came back just as quickly as it had left when Riley spoke. “You are going to stand there, and tell me what I did was “o.k.” NOW! It’s a little late I think. After YOUR priests, and YOUR paladins and YOUR order shunned me, and called me a deserter and a coward.  They disgraced our teams leader, they disgraced our whole team. THE WHOLE TEAM DIED TO SAVE PEOPLE!” Riley yelled at the top of his lungs. “THEY DIED TO SAVE YOUR PEOPLE! THEY DIED AN HONORABLE DEATH AND YOUR PEOPLE SHUNNED THEM FOR IT!” Riley snarled at her. “You call yourself a god. You herald the life of Aroden. Yet you let the people who follow you treat each other like they treated us. I was the only one left to survive. I was shamed and humiliated privately, publicly and even when I returned to that town hoping to find a home. They treated me like I was a leper. For so many years I wished I had just died with them. The people threw mud at me and called me some of the most vial names one could come up with.” Riley’s voice cracked with emotion.  “I prayed to you for help. I cried to you, begging for you to show them the truth.” Riley’s voice softened and he took a deep breath. “It wasn’t until I met a pathfinder that I finally found a place in this world again. Someone who convinced me to pick my bow back up and take my skills and help people. They accepted me with ease. They found a place for me. They found a home for me. I found amazing new friends.” 

“You always had a home Riley. I do not command my worshippers, I do not hold their hands, and tell them what to do. I am not their commanding officer. They are only mortal, as I once was. Everyone makes mistakes. Them, you, even me. Please do not judge them for doing what they felt and thought in their heart was the right call. I know you are better than that. I also know that you do not honestly judge me for their actions. I can feel your truth…” she touched his chest with a single finger “.. right here, is the truth. I can feel there is still hope there. A small part of you still believes in me.”

“No! The only thing left for you in there is anger and disappointment.. and realizing that I am just like you, a disappointment to everyone who cares about me.” Talin noticed him push her hand aside. This astonished him.  Not only did he realize that this was the Paladin goddess Iomedae, but she is here and is having a conflict; or was it a conversation with Riley? There is so much Talin didn’t understand and he realized that everyone, even Calanon, his sword was frozen in time. Talin, though, he is allowed to watch and see this unfold. Why? Why him? Calistria doesn’t hold any super close ties with Iomedae. Does she? Is he supposed to be witness to this odd event for some celestial worldly purpose? Or is he just lucky? It must be my good looks, maybe I really did catch her eye. That’s gotta be it. He thought to himself as the conversation he watched continued to unfold.

“So, you ran away to save your friends from your supposed curse, you plan to what? Go join that monastery that offered you a place to be a master of the bow. Your self pity, self shame, disappointment, depression, and fears were too much?” She paused with her rhetorical question then continued before he could respond. “No, their ways were not your ways. You are a soldier, a noble, a leader. You are the type of person that people should look up to and aspire to be. If I had my way you would be a paladin of the bow.” She paused again and tilted her head as if reading his body language. “They exist you know?” She then continued.  “You cannot escape all of the horrors you have faced, you cannot escape the horrors yet to come, but you can lead others through it themselves, you can be that beacon that they need. I bet if you went back to that village you saved today they would know you as the one who helped close the worldwound, the hero of Carrion Hill, your accolades are longer than nearly any soldier of this age. They and anyone else would welcome you with open arms. Even the broken men of the crusader road would rally behind you broken or not. You could be there when they need you, and Riley, your friends. They need you. They need you now more than ever. Some of them will die if you do not return. The horrors they face will come and those horrors want you gone. You need to be there for them.”

Riley’s sad and angry face frowned trying to hold back pain and anger and sadness. His bottom lip quivered. “Yeah… and where were you? Where, where were you when I needed you the most? Huh?”

Iomedae blinked at him and smiled warmly at him, as a mother would to her son. Her warrior visage faded and she cupped his face in her hands and wiped a tear from his eyes. “Oh, Riley.” She let her hands drift to his shoulders. “You see all, yet the only thing you don’t see.”  Riley looks into her eyes. “My dear, that is why I have come today. I am here when you need me most.”

Talin’s eyes must have caught a whiff of the onions going around in the room as his eyes began to water as well. Riley fell to his knees sobbing as she put her armored arm around him while he collapsed slowly forward his words a bluster of sounds even Talin could not make out.

“Your friends will have much to tell you and everything that you think is your fault. Is not your fault. NONE of it is on you. You did not fail them. You were tricked Riley. Those who want to harm you all and stop you all were hoping to break your will and get you to die on your own. You must not allow that to happen, fight your way back to your friends Riley. Help them, save them.  Most importantly, save yourself.” She kept her hands on his shoulder as his head rested against her legs plate armor. The moment between them seemed to last forever as the room became more quiet. Then the goddess let go and stepped back from Riley. He, took a deep breath and as if suddenly steel shot through his nerves he gritted his teeth with a still wet face he straightened his back and got too his feet. She nodded and then once again reached out and put her hands on his shoulders, tilting her head down and looking up at him. “And, Riley, For Arodens sake, marry that girl in Carrion Hill. She hasn’t stopped worrying or thinking about you. Consider it an order.” She smiled at him. “Hell, you don’t know this but she just went to Kyonin in your place and saved the entire Elven nation on your behalf.” The confusion crossed his face and he swallowed the lump there and nodded.

Iomedae then saluted Riley and vanished. Dumbfounded, Riley just stood there, with all of his emotions laid bare, all at once just sitting there for him to comprehend. Thinking himself alone somehow he just nodded and took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling. “Thank you.”

Blinking and confused, the servers glanced at the mess across the room. The sound of the people at the poker table conversing and placing bets and chuckling at the mess that just happened to appear continued. Of course the sound of Calanon once again in Talin’s head. “Where did he get that Bow, a half a second ago he just had a regular bow. That is the damn SEXIEST BOW I HAVE EVER SEEN!” Talin’s face went flush trying not to laugh out loud. “What? C’mon have you ever seen a bow with a string that sleek. What do you think her name is? Maybe you can introduce us.” Talin then noticed the Archer had somehow summoned a very obviously magical bow to his hands. Talin then promptly ignored his sword, Ignored the room. He took a deep breath himself. Then took his plate, and dumped it into the garbage. Then out loud but quietly said to himself. “Maybe I should have stayed to eat with Han and the others.”

Gardening

So, after cutting down a million lilac trees and trimming the whole back yard trees they have been cluttering the yard all spring.. then getting a bunch of people to remove cement from a unusable pond made of it (cement) We finally got to woodchipping all the of the trees that were taken down and removed.

 What a relief. Now we have a small pile of woodchips. (funny how little woodchips a huge mass of tree branches actually creates)

So a garden update.

This year is the first year we are not gardening using strawbales. since they are $5-$10 per bale at 20 bales you can do the math on why we skipped them this year.
 However I did build some raised garden beds. We have 1/3rd of our garden is rows of corn.. which was5 packets worth of corn seeds planted (to give you a rough estimate of size) about 1/2 to 1 foot apart. (will thin out as needed)

The smaller and first raised garden bed I built for the garden this year was strictly to transfer our strawberries out of the ground to a more weed and strawberry-spreading manageable location.

The frost this weekend only killed 1 plant.

Our Blueberries someone survived being eaten completly to near nothing by rabbits and we will actually get quite a few berries this year. But they are now protected from rabbits, so next year will be great.

The honeysuckle plant I planted in memory of my mom for the hummingbirds is doing great and I expect flowers soon.

Holly split a lot of plants from our perennial garden and redid the garden in front of the house (below our picture window) and completly finished that. and woodchipped and tidied up the perennial garden.

Last year I late in the season raised some milkweed from seeds. and doubted they would flower, but I transplanted them outside in the fall anyhow, just to get them out of the house since they were a lost cause. But i noticed this week they started growing and are about 3 inches tall... so that is exciting for my butterflies.  I also removed all the non fruiting currants we had and planted a bunch more flowers for hummingbirds and butterflies. we will see how that works out. and last years butterfly/hummingbird garden i decided not to touch and just see what comes up. So far I recognize a lot of echinacea and bee balm for sure and have two butterfly flower plants for sure. so that is great as far as I am concerned.

We have not yet had bluebirds return to next this year, I am in hopes they will come to us for their second batch in later summer. Our house Wren is back for his third year and happy as can be, though his mulberry tree may not have survived the frost. (Luckily it survived my massive pruning prior to the frost)  So we will see what happens there.

I took out about 1/3 of our apple trees to help with their health, i will have to do this again for the next 2 years before they become fully manageable. There was not much flowers on our haraldson, but the mcintosh had a bunch of flowers, hopfully they were pollinated this year. We have a bunch of smoking wood chips from the tree's we will see if they last the summer of grilling. (Plus I owe some to a few people)

All in all we have had a very productive spring, and still have an entire summer to go.

I hope the garden produces a lot. And I am in high hopes to get the pond finished being re-built this summer.

Dogs and Puppies

I have always been an animal person. Since childhood I always loved animals, and had a bond with them. My step dad was a hunter and loved taking me out into the wild. I didn’t really dig the hunting a lot. I enjoyed every part except the part where I had to kill something. If someone else did it and I just had to deal with the aftermath, then I would be fine, but I just couldn’t kill an animal.

If I hit a butterfly with my car on the freeway, I become sad. If I see an injured animal I have to do something. If they are going to die and I need to kill them so they don’t suffer. I suffer for weeks. My  mom loved to tell stories of me on the boundary waters calling down eagles and my 21 ducklings that would come to see me every day, as well as the “doggies” (wolves) I tried to convince to come into our cabin.

My First Dog Wolfie and I

I only ever had one dog in my life, and I was very young, he was a husky/wild wolf mix. We got him as a puppy and he grew as I did. He followed me everywhere, even at his young puppy age. We only had him a few years before he was put down. I was told he must have gotten lost in the woods.




 While I only ever had 1 dog myself, my aunt made up for it and had a number of dogs throughout my life growing up. A Great Dane once, Doberman once, and most memorably a German Shepherd named Bo. He didn’t really listen to anyone but me, and I rarely saw him, but he was my buddy. Until these last few years "Bo-dog" was my favorite dog ever.

Bo-Dog

After I had grown up my mom was with a gentleman who had an older dog name Ozzie, I think he was a Burmese Mountain Dog, German Shepherd mix with some other breeds. He was also a bigger dog. He and I became great pals, after he passed away, they accidentally ran across a little tiny terrier and adopted it. That little dog wouldn’t play with anyone. However my mom always knew when I was coming to visit, because that little dog would run and grab his toy and run to the door 10 minutes before I showed up. Somehow he knew I was coming. Until him, I was always of the mind that little scrappy dogs like that were annoying, but this little guy was so cute and such a good little dog it broke my heart when I heard they gave him away.

Fast forward to a few years ago. I had been dating my wife for almost a year when her roommate had bought a house. She always wanted her own dog and had said previously that she would get a dog if Kari ever got a house. We searched and searched through many organizations, shelters, and adoption groups and she really liked Wags and Whiskers. We searched and Holly had her heart set on this little golden retriever puppy. There was only one or two other dogs that she was kind of interested in.  When she emailed that she wanted to meet the puppy she was very sad to hear that the puppy had found an adopter already. I looked at the website and I pointed out another dog that she had looked at before. She said that the description made the dog sound like a lazy dog that wasn’t active at all. She wanted a dog that would go for walks, and play and be active. Adult dogs often do not get adopted, but I looked at the picture and said, “you should give him the benefit of the doubt.” She said ok, and we went to look at him. He came out and said hello, and was very laid back. It took me less than a minute to get him active and playing and running around the yard.

Me and Bear hiking in Duluth

We now own Bear, who is the best dog I have ever known. I said, if we every get another dog, I wanted it to be just like Mr. Bear. He seems to be the bar that many of our friends set for themselves and their dogs they have gotten or want. Even my friend Adam has said that his son who is around dogs often, his sons grandmother has a dog sled team… he is afraid of dogs…. Except our dog. He loves our dog. I always thought him just a normal sized dog, but I was quickly informed he was a large dog. How was I to know, to me normal was Great Danes and German Shepherds. As we had him I realized that I understood how to train dogs. I had taught other peoples dogs to do things like sit and shake and lay down. Suddenly I was researching teaching dogs, training dogs, dog psychology, and good and bad food for dogs. I was watching videos, tv shows, discovery videos all about dogs. Soon I was pretty good at guessing a lot of dog breeds. Bear’s dog breed we figure is a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retreiver mixed with German Shepherd. He has mostly Nova Scotia retriever mentality.

(back to front) Luna - Neville

After our experience with Bear and once we got our own house, we decided to foster for Wags and Whiskers. Our first fosters were two puppies named Luna and Neville. Within three weeks of having them they knew sit, lay down, stay, in the house, and more. We went to two adoption events with them, and their littermates would be there, and everyone was shocked to see how smart, well behaved, and trained our pups were compared to their littermates. It was very rewarding for me to have that kind of response. Luna had nearly 22 applications within her first week of being available.

Bear and Luna

Luna was a very aggressive player and over energetic puppy and we thought they both were but later we learned she would get Neville riled up. It was very hard to let them go, because Bear loved them so much, and we were attached to them as well. It was sad when Luna left, but the week she left my wife was gone that entire weekend. I was home alone with Neville and his real personality came out and he became very attached to me and Bear. To this day I wished we would have kept him, because he was very well behaved and really affectionate. However, he was also adopted, and  I had to leave the room when Neville left because I had become so attached to him. I had to agree that all other fosters we got, had to be adults, because I didn’t want to go through that again.

Bear and Neville

The first week after they left Bear wandered the house looking for them and whining and whimpering., which continued to break our hearts. After taking some time though he was over them being gone, and we decided to get Calypso. Calypso was an adult dog who was very adorable. She was also very affectionate. Actually, she was too affectionate, she literally needed to be laying on top of you completely to be somewhat satisfied. For a 60lb dog, that was difficult.

Calypso was completely untrained. The longer we had her, the more things we started to realize and assume about her past. She had absolutely no recall, and loved to chase anything that moved. So we assume that she was outdoors a lot, likely in a fenced in yard. Not on a leash because she couldn’t understand anything about being on a leash, either for walks or just being on the yard. She also was likely hit or abused by a male. She flinched and cowered at any fast movement or action by males. About the only thing that kept her from being a wild dog, was she didn’t climb or jump on tables or counters, and she really liked to snuggle and cuddle with anyone who would give her attention.

Calypso looking out the window from across the room.

By the time she was adopted, she would sleep in her kennel on her own, would kennel up by command on her own, could walk on a leash without a gentle leader, she could sit, stay, lay down, shake a paw, and fetch. She also learned a lot of dog interaction skills and how to be social with other dogs.

We felt very accomplished with Calypso and were ready to start looking at our new foster project, when my wife Holly showed me a picture of a litter of puppies. The mother, was a pure breed Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever. Two of the puppies were the same color of Bear. It did not take long for us to agree that we wanted one… While one of them was already spoken for the we are still getting two fosters. Our friend very likely will be adopting one of them.Of the two, one does looks just like Bear, currently he is named Richard.   

Newest Puppies

Mr. Bear